"If Only''

If I could live in the eye of a fifteen foot wave. . .
I would
If I could lay down forever, on a dirt country back road, in the middle of summer, at 2 am, staring up at heaven
Or if not, at the top of a canyon, with greens, yellows, and reds wrapping me in the arms of the impossible, starting out at earth in her most naked, and pure self.
I would
If could stand on a ring encircling Jupiter, that much closer to seeing God face to face
That much closer to touching the tears that fall down on his face proving he was once human enough to understand where it is I'm coming from
I would, stay in the middle of a rainstorm dancing the most free a human could be
Or mid jump, upside down, legs spread apart in perfect form, a steady rush and flow through my veins, feeling so alive I could touch what it means to be human
If I could stay there, in that moment, where i finally get you to understand all the things I had beent rying to say with words, but were really things that could only be spoken with eyes and glances, and longs stares, and finally ours caught each other, mid sentence,  pupil on pupil we spoke the language of something greater and finally grasped unconditional love by her heart strings
If I could stay there lying next to you, after a night of the deepest, sweetest conversations, right as the sun wakes up earth, crawls through a creaking window sill and lands delicately on your face, and kidssing it makes you the most beautiful you had ever been, and it was okay to watch you sleep
It was okay to pray over your life because only God was listening.
If i could capture that moment, press it into my hands and hold it there, until it found out how to follow the footsteps my soul left behind, leading you into my holiness
I would.
If I could find a way to make my laugh heal the pain caused by losing loved ones
I would bottle it up, I would make joke after joke after joke so this bitterness inside y mouth, on my tounge and around my insides would stop suffocating the hope and joy out of me, wouldn't stab my peace in the back and leave it out to die.
If I could pluck the stars from space, hold them in my palms, close my eyes, and count to ten, then throw them back up at the sky without watching where they would land, just to say iI had a hand in the way the universe was formed
I would
Then, i would ask whoever put them there in the first place why he kept them so far away from us, and do shooting stars really make our dreams come true, and does dreaming really set loose the god trapped inside our souls, behind our walls of humanity
If I could find out why some peoples dreams never come true, why the most desperate prayers seem the most often to go unanswered, why the biggest questions cause the most fear,  and why my tears only fall when no ones watching, as if they are hiding from the world to afraid to show themselves, to afraid they might leave me to exposed for comfort and to broken for mending
If I could cry, and free my tears from their prison, I would set them free.
Even though they might not change the world
If i could rewrite history, erase it like a favorite memory lost to age and tell the story differently
I would.. . But. . . i can't. . .
We are left to read it the way God so permanently wrote it.
Awaiting the rest of the chapters to find out what in the world he was thinking
I hope you'll be around,
When he finally writes the ending.