"Only Human"

I needed a break through today
I needed something to believe in
Something more than grand ideas
Like a child I believed I could do anything
I believed like if I could imagine it, then it was real
But God doesn’t bend to imagination
 I’m thinking more along the lines of truth’s that stay true before after and during the sad parts
Something that I could grab and like the hand of a soul mate our fingers would lock and create something that doesn’t break, like God had that in mind from the beginning.

The only thing anyone handed me was love.  .  .
If there is one thing I have learned about love is that it is something imperfect
That no matter how hard we try, even in our best moments
We are still nothing more than human
So when I held you close, I could hold you tight
 But I couldn’t make you whole
Like pieces to different puzzles we didn’t complete each other
My love had holes, that water like drops of our humanity leaked through
Falling on the parts of our souls that didn’t fit inside our bodies

My love was risky and when ours ending love risked killing me
I felt canyons of loneliness stretch out over my chest
Leaving galaxies sized marks on my eyes
You’ll have to look past my God sized smile to see them

I walked around on empty streets stepping on leaves
Wondering why the in the crunch of leaves I heard mourning for your death
 Why the rain cried memories on my head soaking me in regrets
Like I had a choice in how our story ended
I’m all loved out.
Some days my heart pumps just enough blood through my body.
Some day’s all I can do is hope my blood stays warm
And my soul doesn’t freeze over
I hope the coals of our memories are enough to rekindle my soul back to life
Cause I can’t survive that south pole sized loneliness

You see loving you was like a unfinished song
It had a epic beginning but no end
A lot of sharp prayers and flat crying
 My tears fell like piano keys playing sad songs in Autumn’s soft rain
And cello strings strumming heartache from the middle
Of my desire to hold you in an embrace that completes you
An embrace without holes an embrace that holds you up
And carries you to the feet of a greater power
Loving you
It’s letting you go but holding onto your memory
Love is in the center of all pain I’m feeling
It was opening up all my most delicate parts
Closing my eyes and gift wrapping heartbeats to be given
Knowing I might never get a thank you
Love was me and you, it was the risk we took
And it was something I will never regret
Love was a sacrifice of free will
It was waking up the middle of the night with you on my mind
And letting you stay there
And sometimes  . . . I still
wrap your old bed sheets around me
Because it’s the only piece of you I have left

Held ’um tight like I need them embracing me to survive
And maybe. . . In that moment I did
Maybe that moment was my last attempted at loving you well
And I know it wasn’t enough
And I can’t love you back to life