"Upon Arrival"

Some will reach the gates of heaven as virgins
Dressed in innocence, holding teddy bears
Stain free, hearts in tact
Knees never knowing what shaking feels like
With feet unscathed, backs unburdened
Minds clean, ignorant to everything painful
They are the few
From where I stand, perched upon broken steeples
Held up by unshaken desire to stand firm despite the cost
I see no white
I see no faces free of the stains tears leave
Like blood lines and surgery scars
Permanent
I see no crack free hearts, whole like when we are newborns
I see no hands held in star crossed love, no only hands held in terror of what happens when we have to let go
I see madness, hues of orange, red, black, and forest green
I see armless babes drowning in empty promises
I see clouds the color of fear
Thick, and full of something unspeakable
I see a blood bathe of sunlight defeated by darkness
What is this moment, so dark that even God seems to hide
What is this darkness that, holds him, hands tied behind his back throat choked unable to spit out the words needed to end this madness
What is this darkness that shoves us face first into the ground
And leaves us broken
I see motherless children looking for her, under loneliness
They will not find her, she left long, long ago
She will never come back
I see virginities, sold for cold dinners, hard beds, and a mask of love
I can't shake that image from my fingers
So Maybe if we hold hands in prayer
God will find the strength to speak again
Maybe if we wake up mid way through enough nightmares, they will grow weary and bored and let us be
Maybe if we close our eyes tight enough it won't hurt when our bodies are invaded
Maybe if we wish hard enough we might remember how to dream
Maybe if we want bad enough tomorrow really will be different from every other day
We have ever known
Some will reach the gates of heaven as virgins
Dressed in innocence, holding teddy bears
Stain free, with hearts in tact
But most of us will arrive
Knees bleeding from all the time we spent on our knees
The heels of our hands bruised from all the time we spent praying
The holes in our eyes two sizes bigger than they should be from all the tears that have broken free
Hearts left opened, in as many pieces as there are stars to wish on
I've given up waiting for things to be different
I have run out of all the hope and faith I was sent to this earth with
I am on my way to heaven
And that's where I meet face to face with beauty for the first time
We will arrive and God will recognize us by our voices
From all the crying out we did, He was always listening
He will know us, by our voices, unchanged, unbroken
Holding tight to all the beauty He created, and sealed safely inside our souls
We will arrive different
But we will arrive whole